An Event

CF

Convince yourself to do something you normally wouldn’t. Tell yourself that everything’s going to be fine. Just be yourself in an environment that is foreign to your being. Close your eyes, pray to your God, and step forward. You are going to remember everything about it.

Get to your destination after hours, even days, of anticipation. Brace yourself for the series of encounters that are about to change your life. Yet, you know nothing about them. Stay calm, and stop thinking. The metamorphosis of your fears has materialized. You are powerless in seconds, sapped of all the energy that coursed through your own entity. Act like nothing happened.

Fall in love with the representation of that fear. Fall in love with the idea. Fall in love with its person. The feeling is untamed. Tame it. Be yourself. And tame it.

Moments pass. The time of empty, blank voids in discussion remain infinite. Break the silence with one of your well-thought one-liners. Fail miserably. Utter something on the top of your mind. She laughs. Accept the reassurance and waves of relief gushing into your being. Crack a smile. Don’t smile too much. Too late.

Be entrapped with her control. You can do nothing about it. Sit there and be yourself, even if every ounce of you wants to die, each cell burning with pounds of anxiety that never ceases to end. Try to say something ingeniously clever. End up sounding like an idiot. She laughs again. Everything went better than expected. Listen to the beauty of every banal word that her voice magnifies into a glorious melody. Take it in. Learn about her.

Sit back as they talk about the vivid memories that formed who they are. Understand them. Understand the two people who are about to be the most important entities in your life. Love that they trust you, a person who deserves a lot less from them. Feel yourself change, feel your priorities shift in massive proportions, feel like you need to dream of better dreams. Feel life.

Meet the friends that changed their lives. Let them change your life too. Be open with every hidden insight that they unwittingly release on purpose. Share life stories, of former identities, previous mistakes, and the benefits of being “unfortunately funny”. Tell them despicable stories of how fate made you its jester. Let them laugh at your expense. Feel better about it. You are the bane of their stupor with happiness.

Realize that your very identity of friendship was incomplete before now. See its completeness with them. Yearn for it with undying vigor. Be drawn to it. Notice that you’re pulled to one person more than the others. Look at her. Stop looking. I said stop looking. Stop looking! Good. Stop acting like an idiot. Be yourself. Be an “unfortunately funny” idiot.

Laugh yourself out of thinking. End the day with a bang. Be entranced. Be under the influence. Not of alcohol, but of her. Say a short-lived farewell. Look forward to seeing her tomorrow, along with the friends that will leave an indelible mark on the parchment of your life.

Cherish the day after, tasting every second as they pass by. Don’t waste it. Savor the taste of its memory and never forget. Smile with all the honesty present in your body. Smile like you mean it. The day passes by in a quick ferocity even though you mustered with all your ability to make it last forever. End up being entranced. End up being dazed with all the poison running in your veins. Try to stop thinking. This whole encounter is about to end. Say good-bye once again. Accept that this might be a true farewell. Fall asleep with all the memories crammed into your cranium. Fall asleep content with not being content at all.

Wake-up just to say one last good-bye. See her again. Crack a fake smile. Anticipate the amount of time you’ll be thinking about her once you leave. Say farewell. Drive off as she disappears from view.

With all this, finally accept that you have started to fall in love with her.

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