I think the biggest problem I’m facing right now, along with countless of other people, is that I don’t really have anything to look forward to everyday. I mean, when I wake up, the first thought that enters my head is definitely not “Yes! Today, I will do something great!” or “Oh God, finally, this day has come.” or even “Yes, my breakfast will be awesome today.” (That is what living in a dormitory without cooking privileges does.) I wake up with the thought of me being tasked to survive another mundane and ordinary day. And I don’t think that it should be that way.
If you’ve never told yourself that “there has to be more to life than this”, then congratulations. Your life must be amazing. But most of us do look for that something that would take our lives to the next level. And the thing is, it’s so difficult to ascertain what that exact missing piece is. Its absence is such a subtle thing. Subtle in a way that you know something is wrong but you can’t find anything leading towards its correction.
I’m sure this is a normal occurrence. I’m sure that I’m not the only person asking the question “Why is my life like this?”. I tell myself that if this is all there is to life, then life’s not what it’s cut out to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in any financial debt or in any mortal danger (and now I must sound like some bourgeois bastard bored with his well-to-do-ness and an ungrateful half-wit). But in all honesty, even the richest men can find themselves staring at a mirror asking themselves the same question. All the while, the people who treasure the simplest of things live their days happier than most of us can ever dream about. Maybe it’s because they have found that subtle correction. They don’t need anything else.
Somehow, I have become a slave to the routine of my life. I’m almost mechanical.
And to some people, I seem rather ridiculous because I’m ranting about the constant cycles of what life is while I’m still studying in university. They say that the “wake-up, go to class, hunt for sustenance, sleep cycle” is perfectly normal. It’s basically building the groundwork for my future. That I’m so ungrateful for the things I already have. And to a degree, they are correct. But if I’m bound to live a life that causes me to lose inspiration, to blend into the machine of life, to the point that my eyes lose their color and my heart fails to produce more dreams for me, then I rather be a cat.
Because cats do whatever they want. They see a box. They sit in it.
Isn’t it the worst? To be trapped in a constant deja vu of dissatisfaction? I don’t want to end up doing something I don’t love just to earn money to live and continue doing things I don’t love that earns me money to do things I don’t love that earns me money. See, it’s a constant cycle that gets you nowhere. And the emptiness of being static just grows within you.
You become accustomed to it and you begin to thrive init.
It becomes a tolerable form of constant torture that eats you up slowly from the inside.
You settle for it and accept it.
But I won’t do that. I want to continue on dreaming.
I want to find something that prevents me from sleeping because I love it too much. And when I do fall asleep, I want to look forward to waking up and starting my day. Instead of hitting the snooze button, I’ll be up and about even before my alarm goes off.
I want to wake up to something worth looking forward to. I want to wake up to purpose.
That’s what I believe in. If you’re stuck doing something that you don’t love, do your best to find a way to chase that dream still present in your heart. I firmly believe, once all the transitions and hardships have passed, you will be a million times happier. All the changes, difficulties, and risks will be worth it.
Image taken from: Kythe-Ateneo I am Hope: 1000 Cranes project