Infinite Infinities: A letter

II

I don’t know if you know me. There is a chance that you do. There is a chance that you don’t. It doesn’t bother me at all which is greater or which is less. I don’t really mind if you know me now or later, if you know me here or there. The thing is, I realized a special something that can lighten the burden, the feeling of being in love with you.

Let me put it this way: infinity is on my side. Out of all the hundreds of millions of infinite infinities, there is bound to be at least one instance that you feel the same way that I do. And for me, that is enough. That one instance, that one alternate world outweighs all the others. Isn’t that thought amazing, that somewhere, somehow, some time from now, you and the one you love will be together? It fills me with relief. And a bit of hope too.

Let’s see. There could be a thousand of different universes where I decided to forget about this letter, to succumb to all these inhibitions I have about telling you how I feel. But there could be thousands where I sent this letter to you. And in those thousands, a million of other things could happen. You could be curious and keep on reading or you could freak out about this whole thing and stop reading right at this moment. (Though I really wish that you didn’t.)

Are you still there? See, at that moment, your choice has given birth to another infinity. Now, you are still here. You are here reading on, thinking whether or not I was crazy, if I made sense, if I look ugly, mildly ugly, acceptable, cute, very cute, or drop dead gorgeous. (I don’t think I’m ugly, but then, I may be wrong.) Maybe you are curious or maybe you don’t really care at all. And you might lose interest in this letter, stopping in the middle of reading, obliterating another thousands of infinities by putting this letter down.

But maybe somewhere in that process of reading this letter, you decide that it was worth your time. Maybe you found it interesting that a person would put in a little bit of thought in writing you a (hopefully) creative letter. Maybe you cracked that ever so tantalizing smile you try to hide from everyone else while reading this. You know that smile, the one that can only be caught on your face when you think no one is looking. It’s the one that escapes you. It’s the type of smile that pops up when, out of the blue, you remember something funny or something that made you happy. And let me tell you, you could send a thousand ships to fight a war with that single smile. But then, there’s a chance that you didn’t smile at all.

You could be reading this letter with that intense face of yours. It’s the face that appears when you are deeply interested in what’s happening, if ever you are determined to give that object your full attention. And you do this with all the grace in the world. It shows your strength in an ever so fragile way. Maybe you are there, reading in a distracted manner. Maybe this letter isn’t so interesting as it seems and you’re still reading just for the sake of reading, for the sake of this letter ending. You could be spacing out, staring into the blankness of everything else, letting your mind wander around my words without fully understanding what I mean for you to understand.

There is a chance that you could be using your intelligence to decipher everything that’s written here. And I really do know that you are smart. When you speak, you dance with words that form ideas that really do make sense. And that’s partly why I like you so much.  You’re not just another gorgeous face. You are interesting and smart. Maybe you already knew that, but just in case, believe me that you are.

And now, we come to the end of a letter that spun infinities. 99.999999…% of those infinities would end up with this letter failing to make an impact with you. The rest of those would have you wondering who I am. In those cases, there is an even less percentage of you actually liking this letter. Lesser is the chance that you want to find who I am. Even lesser is the chance that you’d be satisfied with who I am after you find out. And the least of the chances go to you liking me too.

But these odds don’t really matter much to me. I know that in another time, in another place, in another life, you’d feel the same for me. This letter is just an attempt to find out whether or not this life I am living right now is that life I am hoping for.

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